I did want to give a few updates though. As of today I have lost 90lbs!!! Yes, that was a 9 and a 0. I am currently 3lbs away from goal. When I say that, I just can't even believe it. I would go out on a limb and say that if I didn't lose another pound I would be happy, but that's not how I work. To be 3 lbs away and not get there would drive me crazy. So I am going to work at getting those last 3 off.
Some obervations: 5 lbs does make a difference! I have lost 6 1/2 lbs since Christmas, this was due in part (well pretty much souley) on the fact that our church has been doing the Daniel Fast for the last 19 days. I did have to add protein, but I pretty much followed it and lost 6.5 lbs. I have a picture of myself wearing a particular Dallas Cowboys shirt before Christmas. I like the way the shirt looked on me but I could see a little bit of tummy. I am probably the only who saw it, but I did see it. Anyhoo, I tried the shirt on a couple of days ago and I couldn't see any signs of the tummy. I thought well I'm only 5-6 lbs smaller how could that be? Well it does make a huge difference. I guess when you are 93 lbs overweight 5 lbs doesn't really matter, but now it really does. Good motivation for not gaining. Also 5 lbs means the difference between having a chest (you know what I am talking about) and not having a chest. All of the sudden I am the latter. Boo!!!!
Even though I have lost 90 lbs I still get an overwhelming fear of "what if they don't fit" everytime I put on a pair of pants. It's hard to explain, but it's a very deep fear. Something I will have to work through.
The further away from the bad foods (soda in particular) I get, the less I want it. I think it is because I allowed myself to have a bite or two of the bad foods on occasion along the way. I decided I should allow myself a couple of bites of something I really wanted throughout because if I didn't, I saw myself binging on those things later on down the road. Now, a bit or two satisfies me and sometimes doesn't even taste good. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I believe that's what has helped me. But I never, ever drank a soda. I just have to look at soda like a drug to me. I can't ever go back or I will never stop.
A lot of my "weight emotions" did not disappear with those 90 lbs that I have lost. There are still some deep down that have yet to be dealt with. Those feelings of I can't believe anyone ever saw me looking that way have surfaced and now they must be dealt with. I am relying on God to help me with this one.
Some Milestones: I got a wild hair one day and decided to try on my wedding dress. I am sure you are dying to know if it fit. YES! IT FIT!!!!! Just when I thought I couldn't be any happier, I tried on the dress I wore to my husband's high school prom and IT FIT TOO!!!! I was the happiest girl in the world that day. To be able to say that my wedding dress still fits is so wonderful!!!.
I thought getting into a size 12 was wonderful! I really can't believe how wonderful it feels to wear a size 10. My size 12 were getting too big, but I didn't want to even consider trying on a size 10, for fear of them not fitting (see 2 paragraphs above for explanation) and then those old feelings of despair returning. I know, I should never be in despair when I am a size 12, but those old emotions are still being dealt with. For some reason or another I happened to try on a pair of size 10 jeans that I have been holding onto for about 8 years (no exaggeration) and they fit the way jeans should fit. And then a very dear friend brought me about 10 pair of pants and all but two of them were a size 10 and they fit too. The 12s were too big. So I guess I can say I am a 10.
I actually looked forward to having my picture made. The holidays are generally a picture crazy time. This year we had someone come out and take pics of my husbands side of the family during Thanksgiving and then at Christmas we had my side wanting to take family pics too. This is the first time I can actually remember being excited about it. I looked forward to looking at them. A picture does not lie! You can really see what you look like and compare your former body to your current body and see the full truth. I actually liked what I saw :-)
While walking through Target today I noticed all of the swimsuits they had out already. I thought to myself "I can't believe it's already almost swimsuit season" and then I noticed I didn't get that sick, nauseated feeling that usually accompanies the word swimsuit. I actually thought I might buy myself a new one this year. That to me was a huge milestone.
Well, thats all for now because I am in a hurry and don't have time to think about any more. I really hope to continue to update more regularly now, but I can't make any promises. All of this may look like a jumbled mess, but these are my random thoughts and feelings right now, and I don't have time to spell and grammar check :-) I hope you all have a very wonderful weekend. Thanks for reading!!!!
And here are a couple of the pics I really like :-)
